Dearest You ,
As I watch your bare spine convulse , and your breath tests if my hands are a good place to speak up ; I know you’re unhappy , deeply unhappy with whatever that happens and whatever that doesn’t .
You should let go , is what everyone tells you , just the way they told you to ; a year ago . (The same .) But you don’t let go , relentlessly . Unconditionally . As many thesise that you may read and believe that explain coolly , about how well you’ve let go of things through your bohemian fuckoffs and rude feigning ; are lies . Lies .
You’ve made things lie to you . Because you’ve needed an end , an easy alternative. Pain is not a thing to run away from . And that is absolutely what you do , with your head out of the blanket , daydreaming how amazing it could have been , if things were right .
It couldn’t have . Nothing could have . This is not how you let go of , anything . Pain exists . And it reclaims , slipping around every inch of you . No matter how rude you are to yourself and the world . No matter how much you kiss the cold wall , in the washroom . And no matter how lifeless your lips feel on the touch of it .
Be kind to yourself . Because , you are kind . And this is the truth . And if you don’t give in , to this as you’re sung a lullaby with my fingers clutched around your wrists , I’ll stop crying and kiss your forehead and leave. Because this is how things are going to be anyway.
Trust me .
Trust me , the solution is healing .
Healing is fine. Healing is safe .
Heal for me . No matter where I am , who I am .
Because I exist .